Post 3x04
by GorgBar
Summary: How I honestly think Karma's mind works... What happens after she has to deal with almost having to lose her father and almost losing Amy. Chapter 3 up.
1. Chapter 1

**Desclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **A/N:** This is how I truly think Karma's mind works... Any feedback is always welcome :) Oh, and It's been years since I wrote a fic, but these two... yeah :)

The soft knock on her bedroom door made Amy raise her eyes from her science book spread on the bed, her mother had been mostly leaving her alone at nights and Lauren was out. An annoyed "yeah" expecting her mother, slipped from her mouth and the door opened to reveal a tear stained Karma. Amy immediately shot up and off the bed "Karma? Are you OK? Is your dad…?" she asked, obviously worried after the previous night at the hospital. "He's fine. It's not…" The red haired was quick to reassure. "I… I can't lose you Amy." Karma said as she moved to sit on the very edge of the bed looking at the still standing blonde.

Amy was fighting her need for self-preservation and her undying need to make her best friend feel OK. Since neither won, she was just starring, waiting for Karma to continue. "There are 3 people I can't stand to lose, my parents and you. I can't just walk away from your life". Her eyes were pleading with the blonde to say something. "Karms, I… I don't know what to say…" Amy mumbled " I… I can't just forget how I feel… It hurts. I'm here for you, if you need me for something. I really am. But I can't keep…" but Karma didn't let her continue, she came prepered. "We can do this. I can do this. I can't lose you!"

"What are saying? What's this?" She was a little confused "Us – this?"

"Well yeah" Karma replied and continued "I know you're trying to get over me, but it isn't working and we can't just be friends… so yeah". She was smiling, expecting Amy to be ecstatic with the news, but she really wasn't.

Amy was pissed! "Are you insane?" Amy bellowed.

"What?"

"You wanna PITY date me because you can't be my best friend without hurting me? What's wrong with you?" Amy was pacing the room infuriated. "Are you actually trying to make me let you fake it again?"

"No. It won't be like that." Karma pleaded.

"Then how will it be? Enlighten me… Cause that's exactly what you're asking here…"

"I DON'T KNOW. OK? You're my best friend. You're everything. And all of a sudden you're this girl I'm supposed to politely wave hello at from the other end of the room ". This was coming out all wrong and Karma knew it. Amy had sat on the bed starring at her like she was the devil itself. "Let me start again. Please." Amy raised her eyebrows signaling her to continue but every inch of her face was yelling to tread carefully so Karma tried her best. "I know it's not fair to you. I know you're all deep inside of this already. But I'm not. I never let myself be, because losing you is like the worst thing in the world. So no. I never actually considered the 'us' thing. Because if there's an 'us' I could lose you. And I can't lose you. But now no matter what I do, I lose you. So I can think about it because thinking about it doesn't make me lose you. Does that make sense?"

Amy was laughing now, she wasn't sure if out of anger, confusion or how cute her best friend looked making zero sense. "No Karma it actually doesn't… I have absolutely no idea what you're trying to say…"

Karma took a deep breath and tried one more time. "I liked kissing you." She said calmly and saw Amy smile so she went on. "I don't know what it means. I'm not afraid of dating a girl Amy. I don't actually know if I'd like it but I'm not afraid of trying it. I was scared shitless of dating you though. Because this isn't something I'm sure about. And that means that I can find out that I don't like it. Or I like it just not enough, and I'd lose my best friend. I know… I know it's a lot to ask. I know I'm asking you to put your heart on the line. But my heart's there too. Because if this doesn't work out. Well I already know what it's like not to have you there for three months, and trust me I am REALLY not looking forward to that.

Amy was confused but there was one point she needed more clarification on "You liked kissing me?"

Now that some of the tension was gone Karma laughed a little "Yeah dufos. You're a great kisser."

"This is weird" The blond muttered.

Karma however wasn't done talking about kissing. "You never REALLY kissed me though. I mean you kissed me but at first it was for show. And you kissed me once in the threesome but we were both super nervous. And then I was so pissed off when you kissed Liam I hardly remember anything else" Karma was now the one nervously walking the room and avoiding eye contact at all costs. "And I'm sorry but I really don't remember the pool kiss" she glanced up at Amy in apology, "so I'm sorry. But yeah, they don't count. And on that subject, if we're dating you're not kissing anyone else. Which is also very confusing by the way because I think I was more pissed off that you were kissing Liam than Liam kissing you. And I REALLY didn't like Reagan kissing you".

"Karma. I need time." The blonde surprised herself with her own resolve. "You're asking for a lot here. And I just….I need time." Karma was jealous. That was the only thing actually making her consider this.

"Fine. Yeah. OK. Umm" she was turning around on the spot trying to understand what she's supposed to do for a moment deciding on leaving but not knowing if she's supposed to hug or kiss or maybe just wave her goodbye.

Amy solved the problem for her. Standing up and pulling Karma in for a warm embrace.

"You have my number" Karma teased lightly but humorously into Amy's shoulder "Bye Ams" and she let go.

"Goodnight Karma" Amy replied still smelling Karma's shampoo around her.

TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** so I decided on a short three shot. I'm hoping to have the time to write the rest in the next 24 hours…

"It's just an experiment to her!" Amy cried to a flustered Shane on their way to their lockers. After her… well whatever it was with Karma last night, the blonde had to talk to Shane. He was the only person she trusted to give her advice on how to deal with this. Lauren wouldn't understand and be pissed as all hell at Karma, but Shane… well… he understood. He was there for her when this whole thing started and he's friends with Karma so he wouldn't just judge.

"OK, A) This is like everything you wanted. Well not the I-love-you part but still. B)She's trying in her own Karma-centric way. And C) What have you got to lose?" He was counting the reasons on this fingers.

"My heart Shane, I have that to lose…" Amy was rightfully scared "She's not in love with me"

"Well. No. Lost already…" He said this with a huge grin, hopelessly dreaming that his favorite couple actually might become a couple if they just tried.

But Amy wasn't letting this go "You would say yes? A guy you were in love with says he's straight but will date you because he wants to at least have that if he can't be a friend…You would actually say yes?"

Shane tried to imagine the situation and a disgusted look covered his face. "Exactly! Thank you!" Amy exhaled.

"But… but… she was jealous. And… and she liked kissing you. So yeah. I'd think he's buried deep in denial and that he's at least a little gay for me" The cheery boy's grin re-appeared as he opened his locker.

"I'm starting to think YOU'RE a little gay for you…" Amy replied opening her own locker. If nothing else her mood always got a little bit better with Shane.

"I love her, but I swear to god sometimes I hate her so much I wanna pluck her hair out one after the other" The blonde head disappeared into her locker. When she drew it back with the right book and turned in her place she saw Karma standing right behind her smiling a very fake smile. Shane turned when it got too quite for too long and mumbled "shit".

"Party. My house. Tonight. You're both coming and you're leaving your friend drama at home" Shane smiled and excused himself.

"How long…? "Amy began asking but was cut off before she could finish her thought

"Long enough. It's OK. I guess I knew that already. But please don't. I like my hair" but the red head's eyes betrayed some of her sadness. "So… Why the party?" They started walking down the hall.

"No idea… " Amy was speechless. She had no clue what she could say.

"OK. You wanted time. So… I'll see you at Shanes?" Karma lifted her hand to hold Amy's wrist only to realize half way through what she was doing. She retracted her hand awkwardly and waited for the blonde's reply.

"Yeah. Sure."

Karma left but turned her head twice only to see Amy walking away in the opposite direction.

School dragged on for ages as far as Karma was concerned. It was a Friday and she barely had a single class with Amy, and even that was Math, the one class, in which they set nowhere near each other. Karma, sitting all the way in the back of the classroom couldn't even talk to her. She wanted to hug Amy, she missed her so much it physically hurt. It was as if the Amy shaped hole that formed that summer and was only beginning to heal was growing larger. Bored and anxious she started doodling in her notebook. What began as a line here and there, by the end of the class, was a surprisingly clear drawing of the blonde sitting a few rows ahead. Amy only turned around once during that class. She smiled at Karma her crooked half smile and turned back immediately.

Karma didn't realize quite how many dresses she had until that night. For some reason, it was incredibly important that she find the exact right one. She desperately needed something that would say "I'm hot", "I made an effort", "it's still me" and "there's no pressure" all at the same time. It was a little too much to ask of a dress, and she was beginning for figure that out. She finally settled for a dark blue dress, remembering Amy loved that color on her. This wasn't like trying to impress a boy. This was her best friend. The person who knew everything about her. The person who already wanted her. But it somehow felt nice to make the effort for Amy. It made her feel a little giddy, as if she was going on a date she was looking forward to for weeks and not a party.

She was smiling all the way to the party. Forcing herself to believe things are going to somehow just work out.


	3. Chapter 3

How Shane could throw a huge party on less than a day's notice and have everyone show up was baffling to Karma. But everyone seemed to love his parties, she was no exception. Well... Amy didn't, she thought to herself, she was walking through the living room looking for the blonde, wondering if there was a chance she just wouldn't show. But there she was, on the couch. Talking to some guy, looking like she wasn't hating it at all. But Karma was starting to… A nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach told her this really isn't how a best friend should feel. Her feelings really were confusing to her, she wasn't thinking about having sex with Amy, wasn't fantasizing about kissing her, but there was always a force drawing her to the blonde. She needed to touch and hold her. She needed to talk to her. She needed her not to flirt with that guy…or with anyone else for that matter. Karma knew she wasn't a bad person, she only wanted Amy to be happy, so why was she so upset whenever Amy was starting to be, was beyond her. There was only one thing left to do as far as she was concerned – shut off her brain and just follow her body. Just do what it wants to do. And right now, it wanted to be close to Amy, and it wanted to hold her.

Before her brain could make an appearance and plant any more doubt in her mind she let her legs lead her to the couch, smiled a huge smile at Amy, placed her hand between them and asked "Will you dance with me?"

Amy was looking at her a little baffled, and the guy next to her seemed annoyed but neither girl was looking at him. "Karma" Amy exhaled. "You look… Wow".

Karma wasn't lowering her hand, and just repeated with a blush covering her cheeks "Will you dance with me?"

Amy turned to the long forgotten boy next to her and said "excuse me", but she didn't take Karma's hand. Instead she stood up and shoved Karma through her shoulders towards the front of the house "Outside. Now! We need to have a serious conversation".

"Okayyyyy" the red head let Amy shove her outside.

When they past the front door and Amy made sure no one else was around she yelled "What were you thinking right now?" Why couldn't Karma let her think. And why was she shoving the physical aspect of it when she didn't actually want that.

"What? I just asked you to dance…" What could she have possibly done wrong now?

"Arrrggg! Why karma? Why did you just ask me to dance? Are you trying to force me into your stupid idea? Get me to never get over you? Are you trying to make someone jealous? Or did you just want to make sure I wasn't talking to that guy anymore?" Amy was beyond angry. She was half yelling at the Red head. This was just soooo Karma.

"Because I wanted to dance with you!" Karma yelled right back

"And you don't give a fuck if that will do something to me?" Amy returned.

"No. Because if I think about how you might feel about it, every time I want to hold you, or touch you or dance with you I'll never do any of that again. And I'm sorry, but that's not an actual option." Karma wasn't sure if it was the fact she decided to shut her brain down before, or just the yelling that made her answer as she did, but her own answer through her off for a loop. That was defiantly not a friend's reply. She wanted, no, she needed to touch Amy. And that was the only thing that mattered right now.

"You're infuriating. You know that right?" Amy said this calmly.

"Kiss me" The read head's heart was pounding in her chest, she needed this.

"What?"

"Kiss me." Karma repeated.

"Why?"

"Oh for crying out loud…" Karma was pouncing on Amy before the blonde could even reply. Shoving one hand into her hair and using the other to hold Amy's cheek pressing her lips into the blonde's. There was no hesitation in it, only desire. She needed to shut Amy up. And she needed her closer. The moment the shock wore off, Amy parted her lips to Karma's insistent tongue. They had kissed before, but never like this. There was always something else going on around them, this was just the two of them, neither letting go. Amy's hands went to Karma's hips drawing her even closer and drawing a whimper out of the red heads throat.

"When the fuck did kissing become so sexy?" Karma whispered when they broke for air.

"Karma what does this…?" Amy started but was cut off by another kiss.

"Oh no. No more talking." Karma kissed her again, pressing her body into Amy's so much the blond was losing her footing, she was walking backwards until they found a lamp post Karma could hold her against. "I want… to… kiss… you… OK?" Karma said between kisses.

Amy was smiling into the kiss but didn't answer, she didn't need to. Karma was kissing her. She was really kissing her. For no other reason than the fact she simply wanted to. This was enough. This was more than enough. 'I love you'-s can come later. Karma wanted her. And loved her. 'I love you'-s **will** come later.

Shane stepped outside for a moment to take a call, looking at the lamp post just outside his house. "Finally" he yelled at them. But the only reply he got was from his phone receiver asking him why he's shouting.


End file.
